You Gotta Have Faith (and not the George Michael kind)

This week was full of some ups and downs for me.  Well, most weeks are.  I missed my family vacation.  I miss doing things for myself.  I just miss.......things.  Oh, and I finished Vampire Diaries.  I will miss my daily intake of hot vampires.  I keep saying out loud that "it's all worth it" so people don't think I'm a terrible, selfish person.  Of course it's all worth it.  I am feeling pretty blessed that things haven't gotten worse.  I know others have gone through tougher times.  But I'm going to get down sometimes, and that IS ok.  I have found some online community groups and blogs that have really helped me.  I read their stories every day.  And while I don't personally know anyone who has gone through something exactly like this, it helps to read others' stories about their similar situations.  It's like an online soladarity, if you will.  It gives you hope.  I pray for these women every day.  I pray for all the moms out there that have gone through tough times.     

I came across this the other day, and it helps reinstill the hope. 

My Mantra

And these help, too!  Thanks, Kristen!!

32 Weeks!

Every week is a milestone now.  I'm very happy to have made it to 32 weeks with no problems.  It's been 3 weeks and 3 days since I was put on bed rest.  I was 28, almost 29, weeks when I went on bed rest.  So hitting 32 weeks is definitely very exciting.  I thank God every night before bed for giving him another day. 

My measurements at this week's appointment were a little better than last week.  I'll take it.  My doctor said she will release me from bed rest at 37 weeks, unless I get better and stay better before then.  But since I fluctuate so much, I'm not sure that will happen.  So 5 more weeks.  I can do this.  Most women enjoy staying home with their baby during their maternity leave.  I have a feeling that once he's good to leave the house we're going to be on the go all the time.  I am so sick of my house.  I miss my daily routine.  I miss gardening, cooking, going places, going home.  I even miss cleaning.  Can you believe that?  After the 2 week cleaning spree I had, you'd think I'd never want to clean again.  But only 5 more weeks, right?! 

I'm doing ok.  I feel a little uncomfortable usually, but it's not too bad.  I know it's just from the inactivity.  Once I can start excercising after the baby, I think I'm going to start running again - like Forrest Gump running.  I say that now.  I've watched a few tv series on Netflix.  May I recommend Vampire Diaries!  Man, oh man, am I glad my friend Rachel told me to watch that show.  Who doesn't love hot vampires?  And Boone, from Lost, is one of the hot vampires. Yes, please!  Big Brother starts tonight (and is on 3 days a week!).  And of course we have Breaking Bad starting on Sunday.  I haven't only been watching tv, though.  I've been reading, too.  And I finished the tissue paper pom poms for his room.  I'll post some nursery pics once it's more put together. 

Baby Nickel at 32 Weeks:
He weighs aproximately 3.75 pounds, about the size of a large jicama, and is about 16.7 inches long.  I should start gaining about a pound a week, and roughly half of that goes right to the baby.  I've done pretty well with the weight gain thus far.  I haven't hit the recommended amount.....yet.  He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). His skin is becoming soft and smooth as he plumps up in preparation for birth.  Keep plumping, baby!  He still gets the hiccups a couple of times a day.  I love those parts of the day.  Except for when it's at 11pm, like last night.

Again, thank you to everyone for the prayers, encouragement and thoughtfulness in whatever way it comes.  I'll post an updated picture later.     

Sorry if you can't see the picture in the last post. Blogging on the iPad is super annoying and NOT user friendly. I can't even have paragraphs in my posts. I think it's time I switch to the laptop. Hopefully that will make this easier.

Bed Rest Continues

There was no progress today, but it's not really getting worse. I'm where I was when this all started 2 weeks ago. So I guess if it's not going to get better, I'd rather just maintain. Bed rest continues, as do my weekly appointments. I'll be 31 weeks on Thursday. My next goal is to make it to 32, then 34, then 36. If I make it to 36 weeks, then I'll be able to deliver in Bloomington. If my condition worsens, and I go into pre-term labor, then I'll deliver in Peoria. Hopefully I won't have to worry about any of that, and I'll continue to stay the same, or get better. It can happen. But I need to know all the things, and be prepared for any scenario.

Baby is still doing fine. His heart rate has been in the 150s the past couple visits. I'm trying to be positive, but I still have my bad days. "Why was I chosen to go through this?", "what did I do in my past life?", "what am I doing wrong?"- WHY, WHY, WHY! But then I tell myself it could be worse, others have gone through harder times, and I just need to remain positive. I've been praying a lot, and making lists of things I still need to buy and do. Amazon is my best friend. I've gotten into a few tv series on Netflix, watch lots of Food Network, and am reading books and magazines to stay busy.

Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers, help, food, gifts and company. I can't thank you enough, but I will try. A big thanks to my Mom and Aunt Donna for rearranging my living room over the weekend. I was beginning to feel very claustrophobic, but it's so open now, and I love it! Another big thanks to my bestie, Amanda, for having someone come over to give me a mani/pedi last week to lift my spirits. It definitely helped!

Laura came to the house last week to take my 30 week picture. Big thanks to her for coming over so we can still continue to document.

Please keep the prayers coming! I appreciate all of you, and everything you're doing to help us out.

Update

I had my doctor appointment today, and let's just say the power of prayer is wonderful. My cervix has lengthened some, but it's not where it used to always be. I typically measured at 33-34mm(normal). Last week I had dropped down to 19mm with funneling, all within a 2 week span. This morning I started out measuring at 21mm, and then went to 24mm with very minimal, almost non-existent, funneling - all while lying there. So clearly the bed rest is helping. I'm going to remain on bed rest, and I get re-checked next Monday. Thank You to everyone for your prayers and support. It means a lot and is a great help to both Bryan and I. For those who know me, I am very Type A with a bit of control freak in me. Letting go and having no control has been hard, along with missing out on some important things and summer activities. But I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I know what is important, and he is not allowed to come into this world for a while. Something cute that I have noticed about him since I'm just laying here not moving, he gets the hiccups about twice a day. His movements are getting stronger, too. Again, thank you for the prayers, visits, food, reading material, movies, gift cards, etc. While I hate just being laid up, it's all very much worth it. And all of your generosity is amazing. I have some damn good people in my life! -Linds

The Dreaded Words...

Bed rest until further notice, possibly until I deliver. I got those dreaded words yesterday at my doctor appointment. I wish i could remember more of what they told me, but it became a blur. I can't do much of anything except lay, shower, lay, use the bathroom, and lay. I have what is called an incompetent cervix. My cervix has started to funnel, which means it's opening internally and shortening. The weight of the baby and my uterus could make it worse. So that's why I'm on bed rest. I also have to take progesterone to relax my cervix. I go back on Monday to get re-checked. Please pray it's lengthened some. It can revert back to normal, and I can carry him to full term. For now, we have to take it week by week. I used to think every week was going by too fast. Now it seems like forever. It's definitely going to be a long haul. I'm feeling nervous, worried, depressed, bored, and miserable laying here, and it's only day 1. I'm not one to sit still for long periods of time. But I'll do whatever I have to do to keep him in there for a while longer. He's ok, and still moving around a lot. That makes me feel better. I just need to remain positive. Bryan and I are so grateful for the outpouring of love and support. People are being so great. I'm overwhelmed with emotion. Feel free to send me good book suggestions (I have plenty of family members who should not let me down in this category) and movies/tv series to watch. If you get bored and want to come visit, I'll be here. And everyone is getting a scarf for Christmas. I'll fill you in more after my next appointment. Please say your prayers.

Symptoms of Pregnancy

Lately I've been wondering if blondes get pregnancy brain drain worse than others.  Man, do I feel stupid these days.  I have had 3 instances this week alone of either pregnancy brain or just a crazy pregnancy symptom.  Let me elaborate.

~There is this smell in my kitchen that I can't find.  And I am the only one who can smell it.  It has different scents.  Sometimes it smells like a bad floral scent, other times it has a hint of wet dog, and at times it is a mixture of a Frito & a bad floral scent combined.  Anytime I am in my kitchen I am on hands & knees searching for the source.  I have yet to find it.  Everything I smell smells fine.  But I keep getting a whiff of it here and there.  So I have resorted to cleaning every square foot of my kitchen.  It started with removing everything from the counters, and doing a thorough cleaning of the counters/sink/faucet.  When that didn't work, I cleaned under the sink.  When that didn't work, I cleaned out all of the bottom cabinets, under the fridge, and the floors.  I walk in after work today to a whiff of that smell (that only I can smell).  So now I know how I'll be spending my Saturday - cleaning the oven, under the oven, behind the oven, under the fridge, in the fridge, all of the top cabinets, the microwave and the garbage can.  None of these places smell when I smell them, but I refuse to believe I'm crazy - there is a damn smell, and I'll be damned if I don't find it!

~The second thing that happened this week:
I found my wedding ring here:

Where is that you ask?  Let me zoom out.

Oh, it's just the hanging fern on my front porch.  

Let me explain how it got here.  As I was punishing the kitchen with every cleaning supply imaginable yesterday, I decided to take off my ring & bracelet so I wouldn't lose/ruin them.  When the cleaning was getting crazy, I decided I better take my jewelry up to my room.  Before I made it up to my room, I decided it was necessary to take down the hanging fern so I could water it a little bit later.  I get up to my room & put my bracelet away.  Then I proceed to water all my plants, and hose off the front porch.  I get back inside & realize my ring isn't on the counter.  Then I think, "Oh yeah, I took my jewelry upstairs."  I go upstairs to only find my bracelet.  I decide to retrace my steps.  When I go out the front door I remembered how I had practically power washed the porch and siding.  I began to pray we had good insurance on my ring.  Thank goodness it was just chilling in my fern.  

~ And the last thing, and probably the more sad thing, that happened this week: 

I left the most delicious, baked spasagna dish sit out on the counter, ALL NIGHT!  I did it again.  UGH!  It was so delicious, too.